Pulltabs have stupid themes whch are pretty much meaningless because every winner has a huge stripe through it. Minnesota pulltabs are invariably staffed by a pull tab lady (sometimes a man) who sits behind a plexiglass booth reading a Nora Roberts novel looking uncannily serene like a statue of Buddha in a parking lot, dispensing fate and occasional advice with transcendent detachment. Why are pull tabs beautiful? You can throw them on the ground like peanuts, or put them into those plastic baskets normally reserved for popcorn. The problem with them is that, apart from craps, paper pulltabs are one of the most honest, intimate, and social forms of gambling you can find in our society. And that’s not even the problem with them.

Electronic pulltabs will be mini-personal-casino things that fund billionaire owned professional sports that give people concussions. But I’m going to hazard a guess and say that they’re going to be yet another electronic flashing screen, an iPad with a pulltab gambling app, sort of like a video slot machine that you can have in a bar. What are electronic pull tabs? Well, nobody really knows because they don’t exist yet. Some of the stadium funding comes from a brand new source: electronic pulltabs. Next to the huge civic financial burden, complaining about pull tabs might seem trivial, but I’m going to do it anyway. (Rybak's stadium will make Sayles-Belton's Block E pale in comparison.) See, there are many things wrong with the fiasco that is the Vikings stadium, and the passage of that bill will likely haunt Minneapolis for decades to come and go down as one of the big boondoggles of city history next to the Lake Street K Mart, the gateway project, and the downtown lock and dam. Minnesota has far and away the highest rate of pulltab use per capita, blowing the other states out of the water when it comes to the pulling of those little tabs. See, years ago I read a statistically sourced article that I can't find any more about different pulltab usage rates across different parts of the USA. What do we have that is truly special, a uniquely Minnesotan tradition? You might be surprised, but the answer is pull tabs. We have to share our woods with Wisconsin, our prairies with Dakota, our balls of twine with Iowans, while Stupid Michigan stole our Superior island. Sure we have curling and hockey and ice fishing, but Canada does all that a bit better. What makes Minnesota special? Almost nothing.

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